here are some things that can impact your desire to have sex with people

  • you don’t feel ready to have sex
  • you have self-esteem problems that relate to your body
  • you experience gender dysphoria
  • you’re not in a situation where having sex is feasible
  • you don’t feel comfortable having sex with people you don’t know well
  • abuse or trauma has affected your relationship with your sexuality

there’s a reason why “you look at someone and you want to have sex with them” is a bad definition of sexual attraction, and why telling young questioning people that can be really damaging. the idea that “I don’t have a desire to have sex with strangers, therefore I must be asexual” erases complicating factors, like those stated above, as well as other differences, like race and gender.

I’m not saying that real asexuals don’t exist, I’m just saying that human sexuality is complicated and that it’s important to allow people, especially young people, to question before slapping on a label.

also a very common thing: you could be sga and internalizing homophobia so you don’t recognize that attraction!

No. This entire post is just one big, extended version of the shitty ‘you just have to find the right person’ derailment. And it’s not only blatant acephobia, it’s also just plain homophobic.

The underlying message behind this post is basically a lightly-disguised ‘don’t identify yourself with those ~asexuals~! You’re most likely this instead!’ and I am so not here for that kind of toxicity. The only ‘damaging’ thing here is the idea that young people exploring asexuality (in favor of other sexualities) is somehow a detriment to themselves.

A lesbian woman who spent her early years expecting, or even desiring, a relationship with a man is still lesbian. A bisexual person who attributes their multiple attractions to past abuse is still bisexual. A gay person who’s sexuality has been drained low because of health is still gay. And an ace who’s sexuality has been influenced by abuse, constraints, or esteem is still ace.

Non-straight LGBT+ positivity endorses the practice to sharing information for comradery and the like. We define sexuality as it applies to us, and how it differentiates ourselves and our experiences. But when it comes to defining a lack of sexual orientation? Oh no, suddenly it’s ‘slapping on labels’ and ‘not allowing people to question themselves’. Don’t make it too easy for people to identify as ace, otherwise they’ll *gasp* actually ID as asexual!!

If anything’s ‘damaging’, it’s this post. Let aces fucking be aces.

– Fae

people legit post stuff like this and think they’re saying something revolutionary and not just repeating verbatim what cishet ppl tell us when we come out to them. i’ve literally been told every single one of these, multiple times, and it’s why i don’t come out irl any more.

bonus bullshit double feature: i do have gender dysphoria and i have experienced sexual traumas and both of those things inform and overlap with my asexuality while each individually being valid bc that’s how identities work

Okay for once I agree with this shit, because… Do people really think it’s going to be nearly as damaging to wrongfully label yourself as ace, than wait around forever for absolute, definitive proof you are? It is much more damaging to force yourself to consider sexual attraction than to say ‘okay maybe I’m asexual’, go through some introspection, then find out it isn’t true?

OP this is LITERALLY such a bad post, it’s not up to you to tell people when they are and are not allowed to identify as ace. this is some 2012-era discourse shit. if someone tells you they’re aro/ace, that’s not an invitation for a fucking debate.


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