Until she convinces me otherwise, I assume that her emotional reaction to a situation is disproportionate to my opinion of what level of emotional reaction the situation calls for. Basically, if she’s on eight, I assume the situation is really a six.
I cannot think of a man with whom I have ever shared negative feelings who did not make it obvious, however hard he might’ve tried to hide it, that he is going through this mental process.
yes, if you’re a man reading this and thinking, “Oh no, but she’s told
me her negative feelings and I’ve responded by asking her questions
about why she feels that way, does she mean me???” Yes, I mean you. I
mean all of you. I am calling all of you out for this right now. No, I
don’t want to have a private conversation about it, because I’m done
with that emotional labor. If this describes you and you’re still in my
life as a friend or partner, assume that I have accepted this sort of
microinvalidation as the cost of doing business. But my acceptance of
reality doesn’t make it any more *acceptable*.