when did kit/bun/etc pronouns ever hurt a trans person ever






Have you not read the stories of people trying to come out, explaining to their parents what being trans is, the parents google ‘transgender’ and find this ridiculous bullshit? Because it’s happened.

this. i’ve been out for 5 years but my mom was doing more research on what being trans is a little while ago so she could understand me better and unfortunately came across a link with the pronouns and countless gender labels
it was embarrassing as fuck and i had to explain to her that i wasn’t going to end up identifying as a poly genderqueer demigirl or ask her to call me bun or fae and that wanting to transition is solely for my wellbeing and she said it was going to be hard to take me seriously for a long time because of what she saw

Blaming other trans people for a cis person’s refusal to take you seriously is not only not fair to those other trans people, it’s not fair to you.

Don’t you deserve more accountability from the people in your life? Don’t you deserve more than allowing them to fob off their (hopefully temporary) unwillingness to take in what you’re telling them about yourself and your life onto someone else?

Because that is their choice. Their reaction. Blame them and no one else. As long as your mother can blame her refusal to deal with you on whatever wacky thing she saw on the internet… well, if it wasn’t the internet, maybe it would be day time TV. Maybe it would be Silence of the Lambs.

It would be something, though. I guarantee you that.

A cis person saying that they can’t take a trans person seriously because people with weird pronouns exist is the equivalent of a straight person saying they can’t take gay people seriously because of what they saw at the Folsom Street Fair.

What they really mean is they choose not to take us seriously, and this is the most handy excuse at the moment.

If we could get rid of the most “extreme” or “ridiculous” example of trans-identified people on the internet, the person who doesn’t want to take us seriously would just use the next most extreme example remaining as their alibi.

Get rid of everyone who’s more “out there” than you are, and you will be the excuse. If there was no one whose gender expression was sillier or more incomprehensible to your mother than yours, she’d be stuck with the truth, which is that taking you seriously makes her uncomfortable.

The “fringe culture” of any marginalized group will always be the alibi used to ignore or attack the mainstream, but here’s the thing we all need to realize: it’s not a particular fringe that’s the target, just whatever is the most outre layer at the moment. The idea that sacrificing the fringe is a successful defensive tactic is like the idea that when an army is camped out on your borders, you can protect yourself by giving up your borders.

The army’s still there on your new borders. Its goals are still the same. All you’ve done is let them get that much closer to your heartland.

“Get rid of everyone who’s more “out there” than you are, and you will be the excuse.”

That quoted bit. Exactly. Like it doesn’t even matter what you personally think of people more “out there” than you. This IS how it will happen.

Even the fact that someone equates “poly”, “genderqueer”, “demigirl”, “bun”, and “fae”, shows that they are doing it to other people who are downright mainstream in most trans circles these days and lumping them in with people who are not mainstream in any circle. Poly is about orientation not gender, but it’s a very well established identity if a non-standard one. Genderqueer just means nonbinary, same as poly in terms of being fairly well established. Demigirl is more recent and less established but not that weird anymore online anyway. And bun and fae are the only things that would be considered absolutely out there by most people who run in trans circles. I’m not judging anyone either way mind you, I’m just taking about current community norms. And I’m behind the times on this stuff.

I’m well aware that as a genderless person I’m in the realm of too weird for the OP but my actual social roots in the trans community likely go back further than theirs do. Not that it’s a competition, just that I’m hardly some newcomer stirring things up by creating new identities for fun the way they seem to imagine it works. In fact it’s been rather nightmarish, coming to terms with this aspect of my identity, learning that the trans community is… not going to have my back, to put it mildly not even out of malice but because of deep, deep, but involuntary, ignorance. Don’t get me started on what genderlessness is like, I may never stop, but it’s no more a fun internet hobby than the mainstream trans experience is.

Anyway. In general. When you make someone else hateable, thinking to save yourself? You forget that you are next in line to be hated.


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