here’s the thing, right, about “love is love”: not all people who are victimized for being members of the lgbt community are in love, concerned with being love, or have the option to be in love. “love” is a marketable, palatable concept. there are folks whose gender or the way they present themselves prevent them from ever even having a conversation about “love” before straight people turn on them, there are LGBT folks who aren’t concerned with love and want sex or community or companionship or radical activism and all of those things are much less attractive to straight people than “love.” i am so supportive when people who are actually members of the LGBT community talk about love but i’m sick of straight people trying to trim off the parts of our community which they feel are messy and ugly and difficult to grasp

This. So many straight people are ok with LGBT people so long as we package ourselves into the heavily consumerist and commodified version of “love” that they sell on TV – notice too that it’s not love in general, but only a particular type of love, that gets glorified? A white, suburban, upper middle class/affluent package of what relationships are supposed to look like. To get mainstream acceptability, we have to prove we are “good” LGBT people who take cruises and go on expensive vacations to gay resorts, as long as we live in the suburbs and adopt babies.

As long as we are the ultimate consumers, we’re ok. We’re valued only for how much money we spend.

That’s always kind of bugged me about a lot of the “white gay” arguments. That lifestyle is largely only available to white gay men and lesbians, but only a small portion of that group can even afford it. I feel like class/affluence is kind of the hidden axis.

And has that not ALWAYS been the case? Who had access to Boston marriages and salons and rent boys? What changed is society’s “wink wink, nudge nudge” social contract with aristocratic white gayness. 

Except in recent years, the metric of acceptable gayness has been the ability to spend money on the wedding-industrial complex to get fake married, or the ability to spend your DINK dollars on cruises.

Poor and middle class gay people can now have the same expedient legal marriages for tax or health care purposes, as straight people. That’s actually new. And that’s something a lot of the “gay marriage is for white people!!” crowd seem to miss. 


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